Abusers! Previously Called Victims…as the cycle continues! (Matt. 6:14-15)

As a survivor of several abuses and abusers, I can tell you that there are many kinds of abuses in the world today…and many abusers. And yes, we all have compassion for the innocent victims. But, how many of us have stopped to think that most abusers learned their behaviors from the way that they were treated. In other words, the abusers were once the victims in many cases. Abuse cycles in families as children are the victims of abusive parents, family, or friends… then grow up to become abusive to their own children and others… who then grow up to be abusive to their children and others also. So, as we think about this vicious cycle of abuse, we have to realize that the abusers were probably innocent victims at one time.

repair an adult

In my previous post “MIRROR, MIRROR, on the wall…” I have listed several personality or character traits for those who are abusive as well as those who are non-abusive. Some may find that they have characteristics of both types. It is this pattern of being nice one moment, then explosive the next that seems to trap the victims into their situations. I know, because I experienced this trap in my own life. Now, I would hope that just seeing the list of these traits may bring a realization of how a person acts. Unfortunately, many abusers do not even see that they are abusive. They relate more to being a victim. Whether they visualize themselves as the victim of their past or they are in total denial to their real current behavior, we don’t know. My question to you is then,
“Does the fact that those former victims, who have learned abusive behaviors and then become abusers, make it any different? Does it change our opinion of abuse?”
Well, I can only tell you how I feel… The realization that my main abuser was abused as a child and had learned his behavior from his family was the thing that helped me to forgive him. But remember, forgiving is not forgetting. And forgiving does not mean that you have to have anything to do with your former abuser. But we have to forgive according to God and this just gave me more empathy for him and others like him to be able to forgive. However, it did not give me sympathy for abusers. It does not excuse abuse. The reason is that we all have a choice—we can choose to be angry, happy, or sad and we can choose to abuse or not abuse. We all have a choice. But one thing that we all have to do is forgive!

Hopefully, this blog will help some of you to take that step toward forgiveness…
Matthew 6:14-15
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

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23 thoughts on “Abusers! Previously Called Victims…as the cycle continues! (Matt. 6:14-15)

  1. True. It is important to know that forgiveness takes place in one’s heart but does not mean that one should stay in an unsafe or unhealthy place in the process. Abused people tend to feel sorry for and oftentimes take on the role of rescuer for their violators rather than understanding that you can have empathy for a hurting person and recognize their abnormality without trying to be their fixer. They have the same opportunity and responsibility to change their behaviors as we.

    • You are so right. I had just updated my blog to clarify and added “forgiving does not mean forgetting” or that you have to have anything to do with your former abuser…So, I don’t know if you saw the first edition or the update. Sorry! I hope that the message is clear. Thanks for following and giving comments.

      • Your message was clear – that forgiving is a necessary part of moving on and in order to forgive, we have to realize that they, themselves, were hurt. You do an excellent job of delivering your messages with clarity. ;).

      • Thanks… I have just finished writing the blog pending for tomorrow and it includes some of those same words. I never want to confuse anyone but can only speak from my own personal experiences…which actually could be confusing. LOL

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  6. Reblogged this on The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel and commented:

    I felt that I needed to re-post another one of my original postings. We have to realize that as the cycle of abuse continues, many victims remain victims through life while others become abusive. Either way, they were once victims. We all need to pray for the cycle of abuse to be broken with healing and deliverance of our pasts for all of us.

  7. By His stripes we ae healed. We may never forget what happens to us but it is good to inspect the rotten eggs of our past and then put them away. Forgiving the abusers is part of the healing process, releasing yourself from their evil. It may take a lifetime to receive that healing, but to work at that and not dwell on the negative is so important.

    • Amen.. That is so right. We have to forgive for our healing to be complete.. It’s a hard thing to do and impossible to do on our own, but all things are possible with God… Blessings to you.

    • Thank you so much for your kindness and generosity. However, I have decided to remain an “award free” blog as I focus on the assignment that the Lord has given me to reach out to the broken. I really appreciate your encouraging nomination but I respectfully. May God bless you exceedingly and abundantly…

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