Abuser Magnet or Victim Mentality?

Have any of you ever felt like an abuser magnet or someone who just draws abusive men or women to you? Have you ever felt like you had “sucker” written across your forehead?  You see, these abusive men and women are manipulating, deceiving, and controlling. They know what characteristics to watch for in people to identify those who can be their next victim. I picture them like a spider weaving a huge spider web. They are predatory and bait unsuspecting victims into their traps.

These predators know where to look for their next unsuspecting victim depending on what they want whether at bars, internet dating, singles groups, etc. They also know what to look for… Some look for the women who appear to have low self-esteem and /or lack of self-confidence.  Each time any of us are mistreated or abused, it causes more wounds and causes our self-esteem and self-confidence to take another downward plunge. Our damaged self-image is obvious to these abusive people who prey on others. They identify those who they can sweet-talk and sugar-coat their words to draw them into their traps.  It is a vicious cycle that keeps continuing until we overcome our victim mentality and become victorious.  Some of the traits that they look for is “sweet”, “kind”, “innocent”, and “naive”. Now you may ask how I know this… Well because these are the words that my ex used to describe me and his next wife when he told me that she was just like me.  He had found his next victim…

I encourage all who have been victims to heal before allowing anther person into your life. When we are wounded, we look through distorted eyes. But when we are whole and self-confident, we look with clear vision.  You may be surprised how different the view is when your vision is clear…

Photo by  www.etsy.com  and labmf.org

17 thoughts on “Abuser Magnet or Victim Mentality?

  1. I spent a long time wondering what it was about me that “attracted” these sort of men. I read the book “The New Codependency” and it shed a ton of light on how you get caught up in the cycle you described. Thankfully I’ve broken out of it but I’ve had a few close calls.

    • I understand what you are saying. I knew that I was too broken and my kids too hurt to open that door. I have waited patiently for the Lord to heal us and bring my next spouse in God’s timing. I messed up too bad on my own the first time… I never wanted to make that mistake again.

      • It’s scary to put yourself in that position of vulnerability, especially when it was so hard to get out in the first place. I hope you are able to find someone who truly deserves you in the future 🙂

      • Thank you so much. That is so sweet of you. I am just not looking. I know that God will bring who He wants when the time is right. The Word says, “seek first the Kingdom of God” and everything else will fall into place… So, that is what I am doing. It’s called Faith.. the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Thanks so much Aussa!

  2. I like the spider web picture, secret Angel. It captures perfectly the progression of destructive communication consisting of “compliments” with alternating, phony “excuses”. total deception. I pray this delivers someone out of bondage.

    • Amen. I stand in agreement with you in prayer for all of the victims of this deception. May God bring deliverance, healing and restoration to the multitudes of victims around the world… Blessings my friend!!

  3. We must all search our hearts and pray and seek God for the healing of our souls(mind, will, emotions). We seek God to remove all within us that might send the message of an unloved, broken person and easy target. We must learn to love ourselves and respect ourselves as Christ commanded us and as He values us.
    In this way, we will be confident and filled with self esteem and not an easy target wise in all our relationships.

  4. Such a good post here my sweet sister. You hit the nail on the head. Although compliments are good people who abuse use compliments to control and manipulate if they use them at all.

  5. Another thing that the abusers look for is “whether the person is loud,outspoken or not??”
    His so called dignity and reputation will be at sake if the victim is loud enough for her feelings.

    • You are so right… Yes, those who are quiet and shy are more prone to these abusers… These abusers prey on those who they can manipulate who will not speak out. Yep,,, that was me!! Thanks again for your support!

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