Domestic Violence Day 29: Victim Blaming

Victim-blaming  attitudes place the blame on the victim of a crime. Examples of victim-blaming in abusive relationships or rapes are: “She must have caused him to be abusive” or “she must have made him mad” or “she should not have worn that dress” or “she asked for it by getting drunk.” Victim-blaming attitudes criticize the victim and make it more difficult for them to come forward and report the crime.

It is important that we stop victim blaming. The reason people blame a victim is to distance themselves from the horrific event  and make themselves feel that this could not happen to them.  By labeling or accusing the victim, others feel immune to this abuse or crime.  This is not a healthy reaction and only reinforces the attackers claims that it was the victim’s fault.  However, holding abusers accountable sends a message to others that abuse of any kind will not be tolerated.

Legally, there are already many obstacles to persecuting abusers and rapist in our communities and blaming the victim does not help the situation. It is important to hold abusers accountable and not blame the survivor.  These attitudes by others including law officials, only make the victim feel re-victimized and strengthens the abuser or rapist claim that it is the victim’s fault. It is important to remember that these are criminal acts and very few abusers or rapists willingly admit fault to begin with. Unfortunately, juries are selected from the very same public that has been doing the victim blaming.

Remember, it is NOT the victim’s fault– it is the abuser’s choice. Unfortunately, by engaging in victim-blaming, society allows the abuser to continue these abuses or sexual assaults while avoiding accountability for his actions. Many are not concerned until the rape or abuse happens to someone who they love.


11 thoughts on “Domestic Violence Day 29: Victim Blaming

  1. Reblogged this on Truth- A Right to Fight For… and commented:
    Rape culture, as well as victim blaming is a huge topic I want to write on and discuss… Sadly, I can’t right now but I was so happy to see this when I logged in. How can anyone buy into the horrible accusation that a victim is to blame for being attacked…in any form!? It’s absurdity!
    And just as with abortion, how dare these people judge women (and men) in abusive relationships by saying things like, “it must not be too bad; they stayed.” ….
    Obviously they’ve never suffered through this. but you don’t have to go through it in order to realize that is a heartless, mindless statement. just as heartless and mindless as the claim that we can TEACH men not to rape. That is BULL SH*T!
    If a man has the ability to rape; he will. If he has a soul, a conscience, when rape is mentioned he automatically will FEEL that is wrong and horrible; not tempting. Men are not an animal to be trained; they have a heart, and can use empathy and basic knowledge of what is cruel and what is not. Rape is cruel. Anyone with any amount of conscience knows it and wouldn’t even think of raping another, never mind do it.
    Men very rarely have to be held accountable for their actions it seems…- From pregnancy to parenthood to rape to sleeping with every person they meet they just seem to blend in. Women, on the other hand, are abused, ridiculed, damned and targeted. Using the phrase that we can teach men not to rape is insulting, and it is demeaning because it is not about learning.
    It comes down to, from abuse to rape to other, if they have the ability to do something horrible, they don’t have the ability to learn how to stop. Maybe some abusers, I don’t believe so, but out of the list maybe 1 out of 100,000 abusers can learn. Maybe. But rapists? No.
    You can NOT have a heart or good conscience let alone empathy and rape someone. Those aren’t things taught but things that come naturally. I don’t wanna hear rape being blamed on childhood, either. If they were, that’s horrific, but does NOT mean it is a valid excuse for harming another.
    And more than anyone, us victims know the pain and because of our conscience and heart and empathy; things we were born with, we would never inflict that same pain on another. Of course environment impacts the person we are, some people come out broken but with a good heart. Others come out with no emotion.
    All abuse stories are sad but the reality is if they sadly became just another danger to people; adults or children alike…there is nothing that could ever justify and make it okay. There are no ‘classes’ or whatever that they can take to make them realize,
    ‘Oh hey, maybe I shouldn’t do that to others because it really killed me inside when it happened to me!’
    That’s all I’ll say about that…for now lol.

  2. Pingback: Domestic Violence Awareness Day 31: The Unofficial Survey | The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

  3. Pingback: Domestic Violence Day 29: Victim Blaming | Madison Elizabeth Baylis

  4. Pingback: Domestic Violence Day 29: Victim Blaming | The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

  5. Thank you for continuing to speak out against domestic violence. I agree we need hold thre accountable for their behaviour. There is still to much men will be boys attitude. As a man this is offensive! Men are not naturally abusive. It is a learned behavior. Young men need to learn as boys this violent behavior is wrong! We have to stop the attitude of some men that no means yes. There is so much that needs to be changed. Thank you for your continued work on exposing this violence that so many people want to ignore. 💟

    • I totally agree with you. It is a learned behavior and we have to break the cycle to protect the next generations to come. Thanks for your support and God bless you, my brother!

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