Narcissism… A word I did not know

A word I did not know
till I was trapped
feeling no place to go.
gave me the word to describe
what caused my brokenness
very deep inside.
in amounts so severe
despite years of marriage
and calling me dear.
with yelling so strong
never once admitting
that he was ever wrong.
not a word he would say
but repeated by me
many times, every day.
he thinks in his own eye
but critical of me
with everything I even try.
a problem they can’t see
thinking they are perfect
and the problem is you and me.
a feeling I never knew
Till he was gone
and God made me new.

© Secret Angel and The Abuse Expose’ with Secret Angel, 2013.

18 thoughts on “Narcissism… A word I did not know

  1. I am so confused. I feel I am on the brink of tears. My husband is aware of his narcissistic behavior and claims I need to help him. We are both in separate therapy. He thinks he will be cured and we will live the rest of our life as a loving couple. I think it is another form of manipulation or I just don’t trust him. I want to leave eventually and get my own place and live away from his control and manipulation.

    Yesterday we had one of our typical “discussions” which totally leaves me drained of emotion, spirit and hope for the future. I told him I do not love him the way I should as a wife and he just stairs at me and then responds to say what about my feelings. Why is it always about him? Why does he think I have to help him after he emotionally abused me for 42 years.

    I no longer share his bedroom and I told him I love my own room, I feel safe….and he just stares at me .

    I am so confused especially after we have our blow outs. Like I said…I am totally drained of feelings. Can anyone help me sort this out. Thank you for listening.

    • Hi my sister… I just found your comment in my “spam” mail box. I am glad that you are both in counseling. I totally understand your confusion and fear. I lived with it also. Not knowing what to do. My children and I went to counseling while my ex refused. He never thought that he had a problem. The kids did not want him knowing anything that they would tell the counselor in confidence because of his anger and outbursts. He would not go to counseling and told me that he was smarter than the counselors. I was warned by the counselors and pastors but I waited till I heard it from God myself. So, my advice is to listen to the advice of the counselors and spiritual leaders as you pray for God’s guidance. Do whatever they tell you. Be safe and never put yourself in danger. Get out if you are in danger. I pray that Yahveh will speak to you loud and clear to give you direction whether through counselors, spiritual leaders and even family and friends. I pray for visions and dreams about your future, that God will give you hope. I pray for total healing and restoration to you. Remember, nothing is impossible with God and only He knows our futures. I pray that He will direct your path.

  2. Poem and post are enlightening. It’s always good to shed light. Truth and light bring freedom.

    Thank you Secret for your boldness to touch on topics that are difficult to talk about and deal with. But, deal with the tough stuff we must.

  3. Heard it said this way once. All the cracks in us are places for God’s light and grace to shine through to others.
    So, every broken down and flawed area can be filled up with God.

    As my custom to give hope and mercy to and for all, it is important we know no matter what we struggle with that we must lay hold to the truth that things can change for the better and nothing is impossible with God!

  4. People say every person in the world is born different but after reading some of your posts I wonder .. “Does every culprit has the same means, the same way, the same words?”
    and “Do every victim has the same story?”

    • Hi Mariyaah! That is an interesting thought.Yes, it seems that so many of us have heard the same evil words and suffered similar abuses. And yes, we are all different. However, we all have only 2 choices… good or evil… right or wrong… God or Satan. Those who choose God will have similar characteristics as they choose the side of righteousness. Those who choose the side of evil will allow Satan to control them. So I guess it depends on whose words we choose… God or Satan. Thanks for the thought provoking comment! Many blessings to you!! 🙂

  5. Pingback: Narcissism… A word I did not know | justiceforkevinandjenveybaylis

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