“Note to Self”~~ Red Flags of Abuse

So many of us who have been victims of abuse look back upon our lives and realize all of the warning signs that we ignored over the years… even from the beginning. The red flags were there… but we ignored them or believed the deception. And as I thought back over some of the early warning signs in my life recently, the thoughts came to me with the words “note to self”. You see, we have to be aware of the signs and never fall victim to them again. Here are a few of my “notes to self”.

“Note to self”
keeps coming to my mind…
when I think of abuse…
and the ignored warning signs.
For there are “red flags”…
which we should be aware.
And when we see them…
we better get out of there.

Like when your boyfriend…
gets drunk almost every day.
“Note to self”…
you better run the other way.
And when he’s drinking…
and his anger’s on a short fuse.
“Note to self”…
leave ’cause you will be abused.

And when he yells and screams…
and seems mad everyday.
“Note to self”…
his abuse will escalate one day.
And when he hits walls…
and throws your cooking out the door.
“Note to self”…
beware for there is so much more.

And when he quits working…
wanting you to support him.
“Note to self”…
financial abuse is soon to begin.
And when he attacks you…
demanding that sex is his to take.
“Note to self”…
even if married, it is still rape.

Now there are many warning signs…
that many of us have ignored.
But “note to self”…
next time please run for the door.
For abusers will escalate…
as their anger seems to rise.
So “note to self”…
beware of  these wolves in disguise.

For narcissistic abusers pretend…
to be someone they are not.
So “note to self”…
these warning signs should not be forgot.
For their abuse will escalate…
it’s just a matter of time.
 So “note to self”…
please don’t be the victim it will find.

© Secret Angel and The Abuse Expose’ with Secret Angel, 2015.

Dear Lord, only You see the multitude of victims who saw warning signs of abuse but ignored them. You know how many believed the lies and deception that abusers use to manipulate. You see the hearts of both the victims and the abusers and the wounds that cause them to act as they do. Only You know what caused each wound and what causes so many victims to willingly accept these warnings and chose to believe that they are loved and cherished instead of controlled and manipulated. We pray for total healing and restoration  for all victims of abuse. We pray that eyes will be opened so they will no longer be deceived and that warning signs will no longer be ignored. Expose what lies deep within each heart and soul, and Purify our hearts! Let the warning signs shine like neon lights and make a way for all victims to escape the bondage that keeps us trapped in abusive situations… in Jesus’ Name. Amen.


20 thoughts on ““Note to Self”~~ Red Flags of Abuse

  1. “…chose to believe that they are loved and cherished instead of controlled and manipulated. ”
    That resonates really loudly with me today for things – so many things I have missed and now I see. We all (my opinion) want to be loved and valued. We want to feel we matter and are safe – even in the confines of a friendship – family – community. It breaks my heart over and over for the games people play – making (intentionally) people believe they are loved (for whatever reason they justify it) – giving a few nibbles here and there and taking it all away – in fun and laughter. I know God will speak to them face to face one day – but in the meantime – it really just breaks my heart. Makes one want to give up….and yet I will press on….

    • My sweet suthrn-sister, your comment touched my heart… “games people play.” Yes, hearts get broken when others use lies and deception to play with victims hearts. If or when you read my book, you will see the deception that broke me. A life-long deception of being used. So many victims give all that they can only to feel so stupid or blind when they find out the truth that had been hidden. But, we have to press on… God knows and He will use all that we have been through to help others.

    • Well Tela, you have made me smile with that comment. You are so right. Yes, we could have walls “plastered” with post-it-notes. We all have volumes of stories to tell. I really appreciate your support! You are a blessing!!

  2. This is very true Angel. We all must be on the lookout for signs of potential abuse; things which happen that warn us abuse is almost certain to happen if we stay in such a relationship. Use the best judgment we can, however, but one can tell pretty much whether or not some behaviors are serious enough to lead to mistreatment.


    • Yes, there are many red flags but I can tell you from experience that verbal and emotional abuses are not considered serious in this country. It is not recognized in courts and even some churches encourage women to return to marriages… even if there is adultery. So define “serious enough.” Society allows negativism, cursing, and other behaviors that are verbal, not physical like the old saying, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. This is so wrong because they hurt more that society realizes. And victims never know when an abuser will escalate from verbal to physical. The attitude that verbal and emotional abuse is nothing needs to be changed.

      • So true and spoken from one whom I consider to be an expert in this subject! We allow so much abusive and offensive words and behaviors in this country, and do so little to really address the abuse problems of many kinds. Things should just not be this way!

        Hopefully, the subject of abusive relationships will take hold and be something which will be addressed more readily in the near future…

      • Thanks Steve.. but I am not an expert. I can only speak from my experiences and the wounds to my soul that God has allowed me to feel. I felt them as my soul cried out. There are so many “walking wounded” and society needs to know the truth… that verbal and emotional abuse are very damaging. We need to build up, not tear down. Many blessing to you, my brother!

      • Building up is right, and it is with the help of the Father that we can resolve so many of these problems of abuse, both personally and those of others!

        And you sell yourself short, you are an expert having been through what you experienced and coming around to the work you do through the Lord today!

      • Yes, God is the Key to overcoming all of these problems. I pray that many more victims to come to know Him and His protection in their lives. Thank you so much for your support. God bless you!

      • I know this thought and prayer is from your heart Angel! May the Lord continue to bless you and yours as well as the work you do! Enjoy your weekend…Steve 🙂

  3. Pingback: My Article Read (10-21-2015) | My Daily Musing

  4. So many “notes to self” are stuck to the walls of my new life. I ignored so many, and believed that if I could just do better, the abuse would end. It doesn’t end…it cycles…and it seeks new victims -a fresh supply.

    • Amen… You are so right. Only God can change someone… and that person has to want to change. Unfortunately, we have narcissistic ex’s so think that they are never wrong. But God sees and He knows. We just have to trust Him and keep walking.

  5. Pingback: “Note to Self”~~ Red Flags of Abuse | Madison Elizabeth Baylis

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