Have You Felt Crazy?? Maybe it was “Gaslighting”

GASLIGHTING…

Have you ever been told that you are crazy?
Have you ever been told that you did something…but you don’t remember doing it?
Have you ever been told that you said something…when you don’t remember saying it?
Have you ever been told that you never said something…when you know that you did?
Has your abuser ever told you something…then denied that he ever said it?
Have you ever experienced violence… then your abuser even denied it?

These things happened to me many times over the years. Repeatedly, I was told that I was crazy. I was told that I was stupid, ignorant, an idiot, etc. He even denied that he threatened to kill me… even convincing the police that I was exaggerating, lying and even harassing him. I did not know what this was called. I did not know why this happened. I just knew that it made me feel like I was “losing” my sanity.

Then I learned about “gaslighting”. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. I was not crazy and many other victims are not crazy! We are all victims of deceptive psychopathic abusers. Read about “Gaslighting Abuse.” It’s very real and a big problem for many victims.

© Secret Angel and The Abuse Expose’ with Secret Angel, 2013.

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74 thoughts on “Have You Felt Crazy?? Maybe it was “Gaslighting”

  1. Pingback: Have You Felt Crazy?? Maybe it was “Gaslighting” | Choosing The LIfe

  2. Pingback: Have You Felt Crazy?? Maybe it was “Gaslighting” | Overheard

    • I don’t know who that is but he is definitely not the only one. Many victims suffer from this form of emotional abuse. Unfortunately, these pathological liars are so good at what they do that they are very convincing…

  3. Reblogged this on rougedmount and commented:
    i truly believe that ALL students should be taught a course in emotional psychology in Grade 12 so they can be prepared for the ‘real world’ of relationships and have a basic understanding of different issues BEFORE they experience them in the real world and have no context which to place it in.

  4. This is a excellent post. You might know this; But it is likely that the term “Gaslighting” is a slang which came from the classic film “Gaslight” with Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. You might want to watch it. In it she is a victim of abuse, the same abuse as described in that definition. The lamp in the room which is fueled by gas he uses to give him some mental and emotional control over her, using a separate room unbeknownst to her from where he can control the gas. Wow that is so cool coming up with that term to describe a form of abuse. Much love; MAO and thanks for the post.

    • I really did not know that this term existed while I was in it. It was only when I was out of the situation and I know that there have to be many more who are unaware of it. No one gets into a marriage knowing that their spouse is a pathological liar. I will have to try to find the movie. It may bring back many memories…

      • Listen, when you wrote; “…memories.” I feel I should mention that one of the last imprints a romantic relationship leaves in the individual is Regret. I cover this in my book. I don’t believe you could be subject to this (regret) due your writings, I’m convinced that you will not be affected that way. But normally it comes with association (memories trigger this sorrow). It is so complicated (the machinations of it) that I don’t have, in the confinement of a comment space to do the subject justice. But the most important thing to establish is that we have the gift of the Will to deal with this intruder. You have to, when experiencing it, rebuke it, for its real purpose is illusory, designed to preoccupy us with the drama of the romance, while in truth the romance itself is participated in to provide us with a vent for the trauma we share in Adam and Eve of the fall. I know this is hard to digest without further instruction but I was led to share this with you. Thanks for reading. Much love; MAO

      • Thanks… I don’t think that I will experience regret. I know that God has brought me out of that for a higher purpose. I just felt that I may remember things that were done and said that I did not even remember. Our relationship was over 20 years worth of lies and deceit. I innocently trusted a man who manipulated me for years. That is many years and many memories… many long pushed to the back of my mind.

  5. Pingback: Have You Felt Crazy?? Maybe it was “Gaslighting” | Dathel's Blog

  6. “Gaslight” with Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman is one of my favorite movies. It’s shocking once you learn what gaslighting is, and you look back on your life and see when it was done to you as well as when you did it to other people!

    • Thanks for the info. I really need to find that movie. I know that there is so much that I have forgotten over the years. I have cut off all contact with my abuser but my children still have to deal with him. Thanks for your support.

  7. So glad you’re highlighting gaslighting – the more people who know about this abusive tactic, the better. I had no idea my abuser was doing this to me until after I got out, and I started to research in order to understand what had happened to me. The worst thing about gaslighting – which is all about insidious manipulation and control – is that it is designed to make you doubt your sanity, giving the abuser a free rein to behave however they want. After all, we are the crazy ones, apparently!

    • I totally agree with you. I also did not realize what was happening to me. I just knew that stories were changed and I was always wrong and always told that I was crazy. I did not know that there was a name for it till years later. He made me question my sanity. His lies made me question everything and made me feel crazy… and he had others believing it too. Thank you for the support. Yes, many more need to know that this happens… and we are NOT CRAZY!! Blessings to you and thanks again.

    • Oh wow… Thank God!! I lived with it for over 20 years and did not realize what was happening to me either. People who do this to innocent victims are master liars and manipulators. It is really beyond my comprehension. I am so glad that you recognize it and pray that you are free from it. Many blessings to you “D”!!

      • Thank you so much, my friend. It was bad enough at the hands of a spouse… I can’t even imagine suffering this at the hands of a parent. I pray for your total healing and that the cycle will be broken. May God pour out His blessings onto you!!

  8. Reblogged this on myplace2spu and commented:
    No sooner do I write a poem and post it do I find This lovely synopsis of what the essence of my poem is about, If you can relate then maybe just maybe you already know what gaslighting is but was not aware it had a name. Thank you secret Angel for putting this together. you have a lovely site and I’m so glad to see so many have access to it!

  9. I didn’t know there was a name for this until today. My sister did this to me… until she had enough control I question if giving up my child was my idea or her power…??

    • I am so sorry that you have experienced this. It is not easy and so many of us have been made to feel “crazy”… but we are not. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain that you must have experienced. I will be praying for you!!

  10. Dear secret Angel, gaslighting is called controlling spirits in the Bible. Gas lighting is projection of those who feel insecure in themselves. By watching a confident person minding own business feels more agitated and intimidated. While their target under attack become stronger upwards in Jesus Name, this baffles the gas lighter even more because good success of target flourishes and thrives even more but they dwindle. This is because Promotion comes from God. Though feels challenged yet not willing to learn to apply similar principles, to focus with extreme hard work to have good success too. So due to envy and jealousy persecute loved ones left in their lives who care about them. Instead of appreciation and gratitude spew venom on them. They rant and rave and try to change your calling or sabotage in vain. This why Jesus Said He has Overcome the world. For when a Great Door Opens by God, to Promote you in humility for God’s Glory, persecutions try to stop the Spirit of the Living God at work in your life. Once you recognise you are not the problem, God liberates you to love them, do things to heap coals of fire on their heads, but leave them in God’s Hands in Jesus Name. Thanks for following Godshotspot.wordpress.com Have a Happy New Year full of abundant blessings in Jesus Name!!!

    • Amen… Ephesians 6 tells us that we are not fighting against flesh and blood but against the rulers and authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. When we realize that those who hurt us are under the influence of this spiritual darkness, we can more easily forgive them for “they know not what they do.”

  11. Pingback: Signs a Parent May Be Using U For Hate: | forever their mommy

  12. Pingback: Have You Felt Crazy?? Maybe it was “Gaslighting” | PARENTS HEALING FROM ESTRANGEMENT- #PAS

  13. Pingback: #PAS ~ If It Was Terrorism Would The Governments Act? | World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum.

    • Yes, too many of us have been deceived and manipulated by narcissistic people who do this. I pray for healing and restoration for all victims and that they will come to know the Love of our Father who will never abuse us. God bless you!

  14. You just described my entire marriage of 11 years. I had no idea what it was called only that the confusion are the vines that I have written about over and over – and trying to fight thru them. In all this time – I don’t believe that word was ever given to me when I was educating myself and receiving support.

    What saddens me also however, is not only that the spouse always looked at them as if they have done something wrong, played it all down but then community gets wind of it and does more of the same (even within a worship center), spreading that it is all made up in our heads – that they must be crazy – or exaggerate – and then slough it off as the community gossip.

    This gas-lighting cripples people (within the marriage) and the whispers (outside) can paralyze. People forget how to function – make unwise decisions – all in the name of trying to figure out if they are really alive and capable and then even give up acting like they have a brain in their head – because no one believes in them anyway…

    Does no one other than those who have experienced see the danger in – adding to this? Wow, this was powerful and very helpful. Thank you.

    • I also had no idea that this was happening to me. I had never heard this term either until last year when I wrote this. So many of us are told that we are crazy and we start to believe the lies because the lies are mixed with truth. It is hard to decipher the truth/lie mixture making us believe that we may be crazy… but we are not. Thanks for all of your support!!

    • Thanks for the reblog! Excellent description! I can tell you that we walk away or run away with nothing to stand on as a basis for our relationship amongst the lies and deception. Thanks for the support.

      • Wow. I know that it is hard. So many of us have been abused and fall into that trap and cycle of abuse where it becomes acceptable and we either stay or go back… or not even recognize it as abuse till others point it out. I have not heard your story yet but I pray that my story will help you and that God will bring you the healing and strength that you need to overcome. He told me to write it and led the way so I pray for a supernatural healing and empowerment to walk the path that He has planned for you. Please keep in touch. Please feel free to email me if you need to talk. God bless you!

      • There is a chapter in my book that may help you to understand. The soul ties have to be broken that keep pulling you back. I pray that God will set you free and cut those ties that keep you in bondage to your past and have pulled you back into your abusers arms. We proclaim “freedom!” in Jesus’ Name!!

  15. OMG, this is EXACTLY, TO A “T”, what i am dealing with! Every single bit of it…..i guess im unsure of exactly what i should do, if this behavior from him could be changed….i know if i called him out on his BS he would just laugh and TELL me ” you’re crazy” , but i wonder if there’s another way to fix the issue. We live together with our three small children, 5yr, 4yr and 1yr, and we’re expecting a fourth child in April. I really don’t know what to do, we cant afford counseling or any outside help, and with someone like him, i think it would be impossible for me to try and change him on my own. I feel stuck because he is the one working while my fulltime job is taking care of our children at home 24/7. I cant just leave…what advice do you have for this particular situation? Thank you!

    • Hi Amanda! I am so sorry that you can relate to this. Many who are emotionally abused are made to feel “crazy”by the words and deeds of others. I also understand your concerns about your family situation with children and finances. Safety is the key issue and then learning to deal with the abuses under which you live. Counseling should be available at local women’s shelters to help you deal with this but may only provide if you have been physically abused. Now, you did not say if you attend a church. Many churches have some form of counseling services so you could check there. I will be praying for you and let members of our ministry team know of your situation. God answers prayers! God bless you and your family.

  16. Pingback: Have You Felt Crazy?? Maybe it was “Gaslighting” | Madison Elizabeth Baylis

  17. Pingback: A Conversation with a Vietnam Veteran | The Road

    • Thank you so much for linking my posting and my book, The Walking Wounded. So many of us have suffered from PTSD for various reasons. My heart breaks for all of you who have fought to protect us and suffered the emotional wounds of war as well as all the victims of abuse who have been traumatized by domestic violence. I pray for God to bring healing and restoration to all of us. Many, many blessings to you!!

  18. A believer in Messiah has an anchor for their soul. That includes their mind and emotions.
    That anchor is Living Hope with Scriptural understanding that is Rock solid. We are told to “look to Him” and to “fix our thoughts on Him”. Nothing and no one can break that eternal bond. Not even a scheming liar.

    • So true. 2 Corinthians 10:5 just came to me… “hold every thought captive to the obedience of Christ”. Many who are abused struggle with the negative that has been driven deep within their heart and soul. This scripture helps tremendously. We need to keep our thoughts on Him.

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